Intercourse or making love – Nawla Darwish

Intercourse or  making love – Nawla  Darwish

We call it “making sex” or just “sex”; but in other countries and cultures it is called “making love” in English or “faire l’amour” in French, and this is just an  example due to my limited knowledge of other foreign languages. In other cultures, unknown to me, they might use different expressions to mention sex/love making; but when they refer to “making sex”, they use  expressions that sometimes are more insolent, underestimating women. The first meaning mentioned at the beginning of this paragraph, namely limiting this intimate feelings to “sex” would take us to the world of pure instincts which go even beneath animals’ world. Here I am extending my apology for the expression, as animals do have feelings, we find them in cats and dogs (our domestic pets) but we can find these feelings too in a donkey, or elephant, and even in other worlds of animals that know how to flatter and attract their partners to willingly engage in sexual intercourse, a behavior that I personally consider it to be the finest level of disclosure love from both sides.

However, how many women had to pretend having sexual desire, orgasm and satisfaction..etc. and  the least,  just because her feelings are based mostly from her love to her husband, she does not want him to be disappointed or feels unqualified. The matter became much more complicated when woman accepts making sex out of her love, but at the same time, her psychological or physical condition, or both are not prepared to achieve the requested act. Many women in our communities believe – in a society stressing on these values by all means – that accepting making love without real desire is one of her duties to keep her husband or partner and gain social blessing, even if that act does not really satisfy her or, on the contrary, may harm her at different levels. How many of us have been through this, had a feeling of rejection, or just fulfill a duty imposed on them by virtue of norms and beliefs.

However, there are extreme cases, the most severe ones, when a woman finds herself obliged to share, unwillingly, a man’s bed who  makes love to her against her will even when she clearly shows to him her refusal, disgust or even that she prefers death to support him. I here use the expression “against her will” on purpose, because it is an expression that clearly translate the world “rapping”, a sort of sexual violence against the will of the partner which, of course, would hurt the victim, and I don’t think that even the rapist himself would be satisfied, unless we deal with a medical case, or justifications to satisfy a sexual desire by any mean even hurting the other party.

I remember, few years ago, we showed  a film on marital rapping, and we were very careful and sensitive, showing it to a group of women from modest background, fearing their reaction to this ”immorality” we are presenting and later discussing it.  But, our stunning surprise was that those same women from whom we were a bit suspicious, stood up revealing that the film expressed what is really happening in every home, and that they are severely suffering from such conditions.  Hence, it is obvious that there is an important number of men who think that the matter is just “making sex” to prove their virility in front of their friends  regardless of what their partner feelings, willing or pushed to be treated like that.

Any relationship between two people, whether marital or no, cannot be built on the other expenses.  I do also believe that a “victor” could not be a real “victor” if he stands alone. Victory and happiness are feelings that need to be shared with others, unless it is just a proud feeling to share with friends to show grasping a virginity or part of a female soul. It is an extreme case of rapping, practicing violence against a party that believing this is a natural fact of life, or that the community would not allow it otherwise, or even that refusal or acceptance do not matter because it is simply an acquired right.

In fact, rapping  is not an acquired right wherever it  occurs, at home, in the street, at workplace or in any institutions;  but it is a right grasped by some people on the expenses of others,  just like what happened, and still happening, in some countries; no difference between the two.  Nowadays, where all the world is rising up standing in front of all forms of  violence against women, it is time for men to reschedule their accounts, not only to acquire women love but, and most importantly, to regain their humanity in front of themselves.